Thought Bite: Good in the World

Every day, we are surrounded by opportunities to be someone else's sunshine.

Enjoy this video!

UPDATE: Was He Flirting With Me?

Ladies and gentlemen, we now have closure on the issue of "Was he flirting with me?"

Answer: Yes.


Yesterday, I received an email from my coworker. I will paraphrase it below:

Remember my roommate, Matt? You met him when I had our group over for drinks that time. Well, he wants to learn to dance. You mentioned recently that you would like to learn to dance, too. So, let me know if you're interested in taking tango lessons with Matt and I'll put the two of you in touch.



Photo Source


Here is the dilemma:
Matt is a good-looking guy, a couple years my junior. He was quite pleasant when we met, but I can tell you right now that there is something about him that is a total deal-breaker when it comes to having a relationship. Is it kosher to sign up for tango lessons with him anyways? It makes me feel like a bit of a schmuck.

Voting time:

YES - it's totally kosher. It's not like dance lessons are a marriage proposal. It's not even a formal date. Enjoy the muscle-y eye candy and flirtatious dance moves!

NO - Tango is a fairly sensual dance. Agreeing to to the lessons is kind of like agreeing to a date. If you're really convinced there is zero chance of a relationship, then invest your time and energy elsewhere.

Single Girl Snippet: The Haircut

Finally, I did it. Well overdue, really. It's been almost a year. But, better late than never.
Today, I finally got the post-breakup-hairstyle change. For the first time in over twenty years, I have bangs again. That's right, all you mathematic keensters: I last had bangs during an era when applying hairspray and then backcombing to "poof" your bangs was so cool.

Way more extreme bangs than I ever had, but totally captures that 80's spirit.

 My current hairstyle involves "side bangs" and no hairspray or backcombing. This is more or less what my current hairstyle looks like:

... Except that I'm a brunette, have hair that is a little frizzy, and am about 25 years younger than the person in the picture ("Marion Fedder" -- who is that?)
It felt like such an extreme thing to do, but most of the people I have seen since haven't noticed. Maybe I'll go for something bolder next haircut. That said, the new change in look is really helping me feel the whole 'fresh new life vibe' of this season of singleness. I should have done it sooner.


Anyone else out there opt for hairstyle changes post breakup?

Not Part of My Tribe

Wikipedia photo of a Masai tribe

The following is a quote from Dr. Lissa Rankin's blog:

The way I see it, sharing my imperfections with you is kind of the perfect screening tool. In other words, I’m not trying to please everyone. I only care about pleasing my people – and if you read this post and decide you don’t like me anymore, then you’re not part of my tribe. Good for both of us to know, right?

Her words really resonated with me. I consider myself a recovering people pleaser. This isn't to say that overnight I've become horrendously selfish or anything like that. It just means that I am trying to shift my focus to following my inner compass a little more closely rather than trying to be everything to everyone all the time.

Any thoughts?

Thought Bite: Purpose and Meaning

http://deliciousquotes.net/wp-content/uploads/inspirational-quotes-153.jpg

Bloom

A few days after moving into my new apartment, I received a notice that a parcel from Amazon had arrived for me and was being held at the Post Office. Packages from Amazon are like Christmas for me. The odd thing was, though, that I hadn't ordered anything from Amazon in a while.

I brought the slip to the post office. Sure enough there was a parcel with my name on it. I excitedly tore open the parcel right away. Inside was a copy of Kelle Hampton's book Bloom: Finding Beauty in the Unexpected.

There was also a note:

I hope that in all the excitement of moving, you haven't had a chance to go out and buy your own copy yet. Consider this a bit of a housewarming and heart warming gift.

Thinking of you.

It was from a childhood friend. We email a few times/year and try to visit at least once/year. She had phoned me a few weeks prior to my big move to my current city, and had been stunned to find out that I was in the early stages of divorce proceedings. Bloom was just the medicine I needed at that time in my life. I was so incredibly touched by her thoughtfulness.

Though the book focuses on the Hampton family's journey after discovering daughter Nella has Down Syndrome, there are life lessons for anyone who is living an unexpected transition and wants a little inspiration to keep their head up in the midst of the storm. Bloom is now one of my all-time favourite books. I am already looking forward to reading it again.

I mention this story now because I am reflecting on the importance of reaching out to the people around me, especially those who might be feeling a little more fragile these days. I know that I can tell you exactly who reached out to me in the first few months after my separation, and how incredibly indebted to them I will feel forever. I was so beyond blessed to have the family and friend support that I did (and still do!). Often, I wonder how I managed to be so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life!

Anyhow, all of this to say that when someone is going through a life-defining moment (good or bad), it's a time when just 'being there' for them is so important. A little kindness in moments like these goes a very long way. And so, I am going to keep my eyes and ears open this month for opportunities to pay forward the huge cosmic debt of love I owe to the world.

Thought Bite: Friendship

Excerpt from Kelle Hampton's blog:

Q: I know you didn't grow up in Florida and yet you have this wonderful and extensive circle of close girlfriends. What are your tips for making new friends in a new place? While I have made some lovely new friends in my not-so-new area, I struggle with creating those super close friendships like the ones I left behind.

A: My closest friendships involve vulnerability, honesty, and effort. If you want to get past the "what brand of sippy cup do you use?" level of friendship, you have to make efforts. Have a dinner party. Put yourself out there. Tell your story. Ask to hear your friend's. Meaningful friendships mean you have to talk about meaningful things. My deepest friendships have evolved with being vulnerable, with making mistakes, with communicating through good and bad, with accepting that sometimes we are different, with honestly expressing my weaknesses and asking for support, and with making efforts to spend time with friends who make me feel good.

Letting Yourself Be Loved

As I have alluded to previously, the first few months of 2012 were marked by a number of non-divorce crises in addition to the breakdown of my marriage. I remember painfully joking to a friend of mine at one point that getting divorced was #4 on my list of acute stressors. Historically, I have not been one to talk much about problems in my life. Rather, I typically played the role of listener or counsellor when people around me hit a rocky season in their own lives. However, the cumulation of the crises of 2012 brought me unsettlingly close to my breaking point. And this is when I did something very radical: when someone I trusted asked me how I was doing, I gave them an honest answer.

And you know, that was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I learned very quickly that I was surrounded by more love, acceptance, and support than I realized. I was hugged when I cried; reassured when I doubted myself. At a time when I wasn't sure how I would make it though, some very beautiful people offered to carry me. And because of the love shown to me, I managed to keep my head above water as the storm blew past.

Today, I am challenging each of you to reflect on the following thought from Calling in "The One" (more on this wonderful book in future weeks):

For love, by definition, happens when it is safe to be flawed in the presence of another... It is never our perfections that makes us lovable, but rather our shortcomings and our perfectly imperfect imperfections.

Spreading Sunshine

After my yoga class the other day, I stopped for some tofu takeout. While waiting for my brown rice and sprouts, an older Indian gentleman came into the restaurant. “Hello my prrrrrincess!” he jubilantly exclaimed to the cashier, his accent quite pronounced. “How are you today?” She smiled and replied she was very busy. “Oh, keeping busy is a very good thing” he said. He paid for his tofu, turned to me and said “And a very good night to you, my dear!”  And with that, he left the restaurant. He was practically skipping. The cashier was smiling. I was smiling. Anyone within earshot of the whole happy exchange was smiling.

Happiness is contagious.

September: The Non-Tangibles

If I really commit to this month's projects, I suspect I am going to experience some fairly significant growing pains. I've labelled September as the month of "The Non-Tangibles." I have spent the last few months working on aspects of myself that are visible to the outside world -- organization, healthy habits, recreation. This month is really about personal growth on the inside.

To keep myself accountable, I am going to reveal my projects now:

1. Work on resolving my existential crisis
a) Getting divorced as a young Catholic has really brought up some big questions about my faith.
b) Over the last year, I have seen some really terrible things happen to some really wonderful people. The lack of cosmic justice doesn't sit well.

2. Ripple effect
I want to work on becoming a kinder, gentler soul so that I can spread a little sunshine in the world around me.

3. Really listening to my inner compass
Too often, I get caught up in what I feel I ought to do according to other people rather than doing what feels right for me. I think regular meditation would be a good start to fixing this.

4. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude
I try to make a point of sharing the nice things I think about people, but there's room for improvement. This month seems like a good time for that.


5. Create more time for the things I enjoy.
And, conversely, stop spending so much time procrastinating about getting the things I don't enjoy doing done.


Other projects may come up, but the above are likely to be the primary foci of the month.

Thoughts and suggestions welcome.