Quarterly Report

Alright, so I'm at the 25% point of my 1-year project.
These are the residual effects:

June - Gorganization
My apartment is reasonably tidy most of the time. That said, during busier work weeks, piles of laundry on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink, and an unmade bed are the norm. I'm still working on managing clutter. I'm going to revisit my minimalist aspirations next month again.

I still bulk prep meals on weekends. It just makes workday lunches so much easier.

The file system is alive and well. I don't know why I didn't set one up years ago.

The learn-to-dance odyssey continues. However, now when I go to weddings or parties, I actually dance. You know, you just get to the point where you realize no one else really cares what you look like. And, it's a lot more fun to join in than sit on the sidelines and watch.

I'm still married to my moleskine planner. People at work are trying to pursuade me to move to something electronic... it just wouldn't be the same.

I caved and reactivated my Facebook account. The people I socialize with here are all Facebook junkies, and I didn't want to be left out of the loop. I did, however, do a major purge of my "Facebook friends." And, I jacked up the privacy settings. Now, it's not causing me the anxiety it used to. My status is something like "Homemade soup will be ready in 10 minutes. Text or call if you want to join me for dinner." You can only do things like that when you actually like all the people on your "friend" list (or at least you like all the people who live close enough to take you up on your offer of dinner).


July - Self-care
Retail therapy is much more prominent in my life than in previous years. Not that I go crazy or spend money that I don't have. But, now, about once/month I let myself indulge a little. Last month (August), I bought some new clothes. This month (September), I bought a 3-month yoga pass. It's soooo decadent!

Pseudo - spa nights have become more regular. The at-home pampering is a nice way to unwind. Next on my project list is to learn more about making my own producs and source out local ingredients to do so. At some point this year, I want to try making soap.

One area where I have really made an effort is to prepare nutritious meals. I really think nutrition is the foundation to good health. Okay, nutrition and good sleep. The sleep part is still a work in progress, but the regular yoga routine seems to be helping.

I'm continuing to make big efforts on the social front. I've actually managed to stick to my resolution to host at least one gathering every month. I see friends or family pretty much every weekend, often twice within the same weekend. The efforts have been soooo worth it!!! My relationships with old friends are even stronger, and I have a number of wonderful new friends.


August - Exploration
In August, I learned that really it's ok sometimes to do what you want rather than what you think is more productive, more useful, etc. No regrets about dumping karate.

Also, I'm so much more ok with saying "This is the way I am; take it or leave it." It's very liberating. People tease me about some of my quirkier habits (making dehydrated flax crackers, for example). But, at the same time, I declined my first real offer of a date since separating because I am confident enough in myself to recognize that though the attention was flattering, he just wasn't the right kind of guy for me. (I will admit, however, that when we were standing next to each other at the end of the evening, and I realized he is like 6'5", I really wished he was my type - I even convinced myself for a second that I should give him my number. But, alas, you can't build a relationship just on the fact that you find tall guys attractive and you meet a tall guy.)

I'm becoming a bit more of a "you only live once" type. Anything that resonates with my image of my future self (who, by the way, is SUCH a cool girl), I say YES. Brunch with strangers? YES! Hosting my work group for dinner? YES. Wardrobe update? YES. Healthy eating? YES. Yoga and meditation? YES. Dance classes? YES.


September - The Non-Tangibles
Working through the book Calling in the One was a huge turning point for me. This isn't to say that now I'm, you know, built of teflon and all reminders of my marriage just glide off. Not at all. I still have a mini-meltdown every now and again. However, now I have a lot more insight into why things didn't work out with my husband, and the person I want to be when I emerge from all this mess. Essentially, the person I "called in" was myself. This is important. You can't think of eventually building a relationship with someone else until you are well acquainted (and at peace with) yourself.

The other really good thing I did for myself was the yoga/meditation monthly pass. I've been making it to the studio about 5 days/week, and Thursdays I stay for a meditation class after the yoga. I'm the type of person who carries stress physically rather than spazzing out. So, the regular deep stretch is just wonderful. I feel calmer, and I am sleeping better. It's great. Helps me process my thoughts, too, I find. I definitely recommend it (though I caution that not all yoga studios are created equal - shop around til you find the right fit). Once my 3-month promo runs out, I may crunch some numbers to see if an annual pass is in my budget. Kinda pricey.

I meant to tackle my existential crisis this month, but didn't happen. So, that project is being pushed to October.


Ok, so a number of you readers have contacted me to say that you are playing along with the projects on this blog. What changes have you made in your life? Did the changes stick? Any pearls of wisdom you would like to share? Funny stories? Touching stories? I would love to hear from you!

Not Part of My Tribe

Wikipedia photo of a Masai tribe

The following is a quote from Dr. Lissa Rankin's blog:

The way I see it, sharing my imperfections with you is kind of the perfect screening tool. In other words, I’m not trying to please everyone. I only care about pleasing my people – and if you read this post and decide you don’t like me anymore, then you’re not part of my tribe. Good for both of us to know, right?

Her words really resonated with me. I consider myself a recovering people pleaser. This isn't to say that overnight I've become horrendously selfish or anything like that. It just means that I am trying to shift my focus to following my inner compass a little more closely rather than trying to be everything to everyone all the time.

Any thoughts?

Thought Bite: Purpose and Meaning

http://deliciousquotes.net/wp-content/uploads/inspirational-quotes-153.jpg

Exploration Wrap-Up

August has been so interesting!

Highlights of my month of exploration have included:
-Attending a yoga class with 2000+ other yoginis
-Buying a dehydrator
-Swing dancing
-Attending my first meditation class
-Painting again
-Hosting my coworkers for apps and drinks


I also attended karate classes for a few weeks before realizing that the experience was causing me a fair amount of stress. I was dreading going to class because I hated being yelled at and harshly criticized. So, I decided to tuck the "get my black belt in karate" project on the backburner for now. I am currently in a season of my life where my extra-curricular activities need to be things that bring peace and happiness to my life.

The biggest change in me this month is that I am now much more comfortable attending classes or functions solo. I often invite friends to join in whatever project I have dream up; but, I'm always ready to just go on my own. I don't want to miss out on something just because of social insecurity. I'm also being braver socially. A year ago, I don't think I would have been the one driving the social activity within my work group. But, by sticking my neck out a little, I've discovered that I work with some really great people that I now consider friends. 

I am happier and feel more like myself than I have in years.

Thought Bite: Right Places

Image source

 

So, I married the wrong guy.

However, in navigating the fallout of my marriage, I am discovering a strength and boldness within me I never knew was there. I am more in tune with who I am now than ever before.

Happily ever after may very well be just around the corner...

Painting

How I spent the afternoon

During this month of exploration, I have taken the opportunity to rediscover things I onced loved dearly. Today's project was to paint on a canvas.


As a child, I loved to draw. Art was my favourite subject in high school. College gave me the opportunity to continue refining my skills. Then, I stopped doing art cold turkey. I had met my future husband, and there just didn't seem to be enough hours left in the day to devote to such unproductive activities like art. I mean, it wasn't like I was going to be the next van Gogh or anything. But, the lure of sculpting and painting never really left me. So, when I saw an easel and canvases on sale, I splurged.

 When I got home, I set up my easel and canvas and just stared at it. The fear of painting something not good enough made me hesitant to put a pencil to my perfectly blank slate. I felt like I needed to paint something grandiose, something that would pay hommage to the years I spent taking art lessons. Something truly great. It was a lot of pressure. The whole issue became stressful, so I put the project on the backburner for a while.

Then, while out jogging, I spotted something in an art gallery window that looked like this:

This is actually a much more polished version of what I saw.
The real deal looks like crayon scribbled on yellowed, partly torn paper.

This is when it occurred to me that of all hobbies to give up because of feeling not good enough, painting is a pretty ridiculous choice. Clearly, there is room for everyone in this field - as evidenced by the crayon-on-torn-paper work on sale around the corner. I also realized that this time around, no one was going to be evaluating my portfolio. I was doing this for me. I didn't need to slave for weeks over creating a photorealist depiction of some stupid fruit bowl. And you know what I enjoy painting most? Abstract designs. I love plotting out colour schemes on a colour wheel. I love watching the colours blend together when I mix them on my palette. I love seeing the effect colours have on each other when applied next to one another on a canvas. This is precisely the kind of art my ex-husband would deam "not real art." (As an aside, he also considers Renoir "a hack" and nearly got us thrown out of an art gallery for being a wee bit too vocal about this opinion a few years ago.)

Boating on the Seine by Renoir

Anyhow, I decided to give myself permission to paint what I wanted rather than what I felt I should. This was the result:



Swing Dancing: 2 guys and 1 girl

Photo Source

As part of my effort to a) be more social, and b) figure out what to do with my arms while dancing (see previous posts: Zumba and Azonto), I decided to give swing dancing a try. A quick Google search confirmed that drop-in, introductory lessons were available in my area. I intended to go regardless of whether or not I would know anyone there. That said, I (M) tossed out an invite to my coworkers (C):

M: So, I'm going to go swing dancing on Saturday. Do you want to come? The intro drop-in lesson is $5, and there's an open practice night.
C1: Actually, I would like to go!
M: That's great!
I turned to another coworker.
M: Me and C1 are going swing dancing on Saturday. You should come!
C2: Yeah, maybe. We'll see.
Next coworker.
M: C1 and I are going swing dancing on Saturday. C2 might come, too. You should totally join us. It's going to be great.
C3: I actually love swing dancing!
Who knew I had such cool coworkers?

Anyhow, I invited all eight of my coworkers and successfully recruited two of them for the event (and a third joined us for post-dance drinks). My two recruits were both male. I'm sure the instructor (I) was trying to figure out just what exactly was going on when we walked in together, because he said:

I: You're going to have to choose between your boys to partner up for the lesson.

Slightly awkward situation given that I don't really know either of these guys especially well. But, I'm not going to lie, it is fun walking into a dance lesson sandwiched between two boys. I chose C1 to start. In spite of our great enthusiasm, we did not demonstrate any real natural swing dance talent. In fact, we somehow ended up moving backwards at a furious pace every time we danced together -- numerous near-collisions with walls, posts, a desk, other people. Luckily, C1 found this situation as hilarious as I did, and we spent most of the lesson laughing. C3 can actually dance. He's a good lead. We didn't laugh as much, but I was glad he came out for the evening.

During the practice session, I was asked to dance by some of the other male attendees.

Excerpt from conversation between one of these guys  (G) and me (M) past the midway point in the song we were dancing to:
G: Do you know the basic the step for this style?
M: Nope. 

I thought that was a very nice way of telling me I wasn't especially good. My beginner lesson had been in East Coast swing. This, I learned, is not the same thing as West Coast swing. My fake-it-til-you-make-it strategy failed. On the bright side, the male leads in both East Coast swing and West Coast swing - meaning that the guy essentially decides what the girl needs to do with her arms at all times. This appeals to me.

C1 and I have already made plans to go swing dancing again this weekend. We intend to become superstars by the end of the year (watch out, So You Think You Can Dance!). And, we are going to convince our other coworkers they all secretly harbour desires to become really good swing dancers so that our workgroup kicks butt at the next work talent show.

Karate Part III: Sayings From Sensei

Last week, Sensei said:
If you don't understand the directives, ASK for clarification!

This week, Sensei said:
A white belt should be seen, but NOT heard. You got it?! A white belt should NEVER open their mouth in a karate dojo! They learn by imitating. That's it.


Take a guess as to who both comments were directed at. Yup, this little white belt right here. The second comment was in response to me engaging in dialogue with a black belt who was working one-on-one with me. I'm actually fairly shy and generally don't say much at all in big groups.

I work long hours at what most people would consider a fairly stressful job. The precious time I have outside work I tend to devote to either a) things that need to be done, and b) things that make me happy. Getting yelled at twice/week in karate does not fall into either camp.

So, the debate is really as follows:

A - Toughen up. Work hard. Eventually, I'll get the hang of how this dojo rolls and get back to the level I was at when I stopped training nearly 10 years ago. I really would like to get my black belt eventually.

vs

B - Decide that life is too short to intentionally subject myself to being yelled at and feeling sad as part of my recreational time. Join a yoga class and run club instead.

Any thoughts ?

I See You Have Big Legs

Friends of mine have two young kids who I adore. I've offered to baby-sit to give them some time out sans children. Today, they took me up on my offer. I had a great time, but I will wholeheartedly admit that my six hour playdate reconfirmed my belief that stay-at-home parents have one of the toughest jobs on the planet. I mean, the baby had a five-alarm meltdown when I stuck her in her crib for 30 seconds so I could pee without worrying she would tumble down the stairs or stick her finger in an electrical socket. That said, these kids are just delightful - and quite entertaining - and I am already looking forward to our next visit.

Excerpt from a conversation between me (M) and the four-year-old(F):

F: Okay, who wants bubblegum who is old enough?
There was definitely a snide look in the general direction of her younger sister, who was decidedly too young for bubblegum. She then looked over at me.
F: How about you?
M: Oh, I don't think I will be having any bubblegum today. Thank you for offering though.
F: But, you look old enough -- I see you have big legs.


There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. All this time, bars and liquor stores have been asking for facial photo ID when really, it's the size of your legs that matters.

Get Your Azonto On!

As some of you may remember, I am perplexed by what exactly one does with their arms during freestyle dancing. Always open to new solutions to this predicament (so far, having a glass of wine in each hand seems like my best bet), I recently stumbled across Azonto. Azonto is an African dance from Ghana, which reportedly is gaining mega popularity here in North America. According to Wikipedia, "Azonto, when taught effectively, can be learned within ten minutes." 10 minutes?! I had to check it out.

And so, I present to you for today's daily dose of dancercise: AZONTO!

Here is part one:

Part two of the tutorial from the self-proclaimed "Chosen one of Africa" for all you budding Azonto keensters out there:

If you watch part two, I recommend stopping the video one minute before the end -- this way you'll avoid an annoying plea to rate the video/share the video. Immigration authorities and deportation are mentioned. That said, there are 4 or 5 different options as to what to do with your arms when dancing. This alone made watching the 8 minute clip totally worth it.

And lastly, if you're REALLY keen, here's a jazzy music clip to practice your new moves:

Enjoy!

Single Girl Snippet: Counselling

There are as many different ways of coping with trauma as there are people in the world. For lots of people, seeing a counsellor can be quite helpful. In the months before and after my separation, I gave it a try. Here's how it went:

Excerpts from conversations between a counsellor (C) and me (M):

Appointment #1: 2 months before separation
C: You know, I have to tell you -- I think I have a lot more in common with your husband than with you.
This comment startled me. I mean, really, who SAYS that to their counselling client?!
M: Um, ok. Well, clearly I'm not communicating well with him, so maybe you can offer me some insight into what he might be thinking.

Appointment #2: 1 month before separation
C: It sounds like you've already tried everything I am suggesting. Have you considered that maybe he is just brain-damaged?
M: Um, no, actually. That thought hadn't occurred to me.

Appointment #3:  1 week post separation
C: How long did you say you and your husband were together?
M: Six or seven years, I think. It’s a long time considering I’m only 29.
C: You know, I ended a relationship of 10 years.
M: That’s a very long time.
C: It really is.
M: I’m sure that must have been very difficult for you.
C: It was. It’s your whole life that changes.
M: So I’m learning.
C: And you know what the most difficult part was?
M: What?
C: The memories. We had shared so many memories together. This was someone who had walked with me a long time, and knew all the stories of my life over those ten years.
In my head: Oh my God, I hadn’t even thought of it that way! I’m losing a quarter of my life worth of memories in this divorce! How distressing!!!  Out loud:
M: I can appreciate how that would be pretty tough.

Appointment #5: 1 month post separation
C: So, you seem to have a number of stressors other than just the divorce on your plate right now.
M: Yes.
C: You know, I'm dealing with a similar situation myself.
M: I'm sorry to hear that.
C: Thanks. It's hard. No one expect these things.
M: True enough.
C: Came out of nowhere.
M: I understand. I hope everything works out ok for you.
C: Thanks. Well, we’re at the end of our time today. I think you should come back in next week.
M: We’ll see. I need to look at my schedule.
C: I think you really need it.
In my head: Uh lady, I think YOU really need the session more than I do. Out loud:
M: Um, ok. I’m not sure.

That was the end of counselling for me.

Low-Maintenance Entertaining

My goal this year is to host at least one gathering per month. Historically, I would get all riled up when I hosted anything and spend hours and hours preparing the house, food, and drinks. This high energy input generally resulted in good results, but I would be so tired afterwards that the idea of hosting anything again anytime soon was overwhelming.

So, time for a new strategy: I call it low-maintenance entertaining.

The basic tenets of this entertaining style are as follows:

1. More often than not, schedule gatherings for hours that do not overlap with meals.
2. When inviting guests, clearly state what you intend to offer them during their visit.
3. Actually just do what you said you would, rather than prepare eighteen different dishes "just in case." If you are hosting outside meal hours, no one is going to starve.
4. Invite your guests to bring their favourite appetizer and/or beverage to the gathering should they so choose.
5. Only say "you don't need to bring anything" when you really mean it.


For example, last week I invited a group of coworkers over for drinks and apps. The email invite went something like this:

Hi guys,
It's been a while since we all got together, so I am taking the opportunity to invite you over to my apartment Saturday evening. I am going to make an appetizer of some sort and open a bottle of wine. You are welcome to bring your favourite appetizer and/or beverage if you'd like.

Looking forward to seeing you!


Voila. People came. Some brought food, others brought wine. I opened said bottle of wine and made a large platter of hummus with veggies and gluten-free crackers. We had a great time, and the effort it took to put together the evening was minimal. So minimal, that I would be willing to do it again as early as next week.

How to Install a Curtain Rod

It dawned on me recently that perhaps my lack of curtains in my apartment was contributing to my lack of quality sleep. It just doesn't get that dark. I went to a local department store to try to fix this issue. Curtains are actually surprisingly expensive. So, I took the cheap way out and decided just to wall off the bed area with a curtain (my apartment is pseudo-open concept, with just a big opening in the wall delineating the "bedroom" from the living room area).

When I got home, I realized that I didn't really know how to install a curtain rod. So, I looked it up on YouTube:

It seemed simple enough. I had all the right tools.
Regrettably, my attempt at curtain rod installation was not as smooth and effortless as what is shown on the video.

First, I was trying to install a curtain rod on a solid wood window frame. I didn't think this made any difference; it is actually a huge deal. When I tried to hammer in my "wall supports" like on the video, they just sort of went kersplat and broke.

First text message to my brother (B):
M: Do I need wall supports if I am installing a curtain rod into solid wood?
B: Nope, screw into the wood n ur good. :)

So, I tried screwing into the wood. Didn't work especially well. So, frustrated, I took a hammer to the stupid thing.

Next text message:
M: Ummmm... can I just hammer the screw, or would that be bad?
B: Lol. It wouldn't go in properly and grab the wood.

Yeah, that's what I thought. Ok, so back to the screwdriver. By this point, I've destroyed the top of the screw (even I knew that was not a good thing). Clearly, this was a job that needed a drill.

Email a friend (F):
M: Random question: I don't suppose you own a drill?
F: Yes, it's all yours. I'll bring it to you this morning.

This particular friend is as awesome as they come. This is not the first time she has rescued me from a pickle. Back in business.

The screw still didn't screw in easily.

Phone call to 1-800-HIDADDY:
D: Sounds like you're using drywall screws. You need wood screws.
M: I didn't know they were two separate things. The curtain rod came with the drywall screws.
D: What drill bit are you using?
M: Uh, the one with the X on it.
D: You should be using a square-head. Bring your square-head drill bit with you to the hardware store and pick up some wood screws.

Off to the hardware store. I probably had a bit of a deer-in-headlights look when standing in front of the display of screws because it wasn't long before someone (S) offered to help me:

M: I need something like this (holding out the drywall screw) in its "wood screw" version with a square-head.
S: What are you using it for?
M: Installing a curtain rod. The rod is kinda heavy; it sits on three big hooks. The hooks are screwed into a solid wood frame.
S: How thick?
M: Like this (I showed a small space between my index and thumb.)
S: This is what you need. (He picked out a box in nanoseconds out of the like 300 that were on display.)

$2.52 later, and I'm back home.
Not surprisingly, with the right tools and the right screws, the job actually was easy peasy. 15 minutes, tops.

Results:

And this is how I discovered that the advertised width of the curtain panels is actually 4" wider than the actual width. An extra 8" across would have been nice. I need to decide whether it's worth returning the curtains, or just springing for a second set of panels. Any thoughts?



Meditation

As part of a promotion, I had the opportunity to attend a free meditation class. I feared I would feel like a bull in a china shop at this type of event, so I made sure to go for an 8K run in the morning and attend a yoga class held just before the meditation class. I was also sleep deprived. I figured if ever there was a day that I could sit still for an hour, this was it.

I was a little nervous entering the room. The other students seemed to know each other. I settled onto my mat, and just tried to mirror what everyone else seemed to be doing. It had been a rough day of dealing with divorce-related paperwork. My mind was racing with all the things I had meant to get done that would now be delayed until tomorrow. I was in anything but a zen-like mindspace.

The class started with a very pleasant visualization exercise. I began to relax a little. There was a very positive energy in the room. A soft breeze came in from a large window, and the evening air was very mild. The instructor explained today’s class would focus on The Four Noble Truths. I had no idea what these were, or that there were four of them. (Wikipedia link for the curious, here) “The first truth,” he began, “is that life means suffering.” He had my attention. During the decline and demise of my marriage, I had become acquainted with the concept of suffering. Prior to that, I had led a blessed existence that while characterized by many ups and downs, had never touched the despair I now knew. He discussed working toward an acceptance that everything we know in life is temporary.

The class then moved into a walking meditation. We were supposed to walk around the room and make eye contact with people while observing them without judgment. I don’t know why, but something about this exercise made me feel terribly awkward. While I was reflecting on why something so trivial would make me so uncomfortable, I realized that I had probably communicated this to the group:

It became clear that I was going to have the join the group inside the circle of yoga mats. So I did. I smiled shyly at all these people who kept acceptingly staring at me. That’s when we were told to close our eyes, and then move toward the first person we saw once we reopened them. I had a flashback to being one of the last kids picked for the dodgeball team in primary school. Everyone seemed to have a partner, except me. Mercifully, another single emerged from the crowd. “Your hearts have chosen each other tonight,” the instructor told all the meditation pairs strewn about the room, “your partner is your mirror.” Oddly enough, my partner and I did share a number of physical features. “Ok, now look into your partner’s eyes.” We did. Within a few seconds, I broke eye contact and glanced over to the instructor. Surely this can’t go on for much longer, I thought. “Reaaaaalllllyyy look deep into your partner’s eyes.” My partner did not break eye contact. I wasn’t sure what to do. It felt like some strange staring contest, kind of like we used to play at Girl Guide camp – whoever giggled first lost (generally this was me). My partner eventually smiled, and then shook her head apologetically. I smiled back, relieved. The exercise continued on for what seemed like an eternity. “Keeeep looking into your partner’s eyes. Try to peel back the layers of vulnerability. What are you seeing? What are you learning?” I fought the urge to run. My partner’s eyes stayed locked on mine. Oh my God, what IS she seeing? I thought. Can she tell I’m a mess? Can she tell I’ve been hurt? It’s been a really long time since anyone has stared into my eyes. There is nothing like having someone’s eyes bear into yours to make you feel vulnerable. I noticed my partner’s eyes mist over. Are you hurting? I wondered. I wish there was something I could do. You seem like such a nice person. The exercise continued for several more minutes. I tried to send my best thoughts of comfort and kindness over to my partner; I am sure she did the same. My trust in this gentle stranger grew. Feelings of vulnerability and angst were replaced with a quiet calm. It was actually a very healing experience in spite of my initial reticence. When the exercise ended, I smiled warmly and mouthed “thank you” to my partner. She placed her hands over her heart and bowed her head.

We very briefly crossed paths again at a later yoga class, and greeted each warmly like we were long lost friends.

Namaste, my friend. Namaste.

Type B Running

Normally, I'm a bit of a "Type A" runnner. By that, I mean that before each run, I decide that I will run X kilometres in Y time. If I don't make my target, I get very disappointed. I don't especially like this about myself. I am a very recreational jogger, and I should be able to just relax and enjoy the exercise. I decided to tackle the issue head-on.

Today, I brought my camera with me on my run.

Carrying the camera slowed me down. Stopping to take pictures slowed me more. For the first couple kilometres, I felt rather annoyed and wondered whether I would make up the time later. The camera started to seem like a dumb idea. I continued following a route I had already run a few times previously. Suddenly, I saw things from a different perspective:

It was a perfect summer day.

Sometimes, it's the imperfections that make things interesting.

Even when conditions are not ideal, success is possible.

Thought Bite: Resilience

Karate Part II: Senior White Belt

There is an adorable lady named Thelma who attended the same karate session I did. I would guess she is in her late 70s/early 80s. Thelma came to class wearing a Caribbean holiday t-shirt over a purple hoodie with knee-length, oversized Adidas shorts. She had a beige stocking on one leg. The look was completed by a white belt wrapped around her waist over the t-shirt. As evidenced by its fraying edges, this belt had clearly been to many karate classes. Thelma has a gentle chin tremor, which gives the impression she is always in agreement (though her words often reveal her confusion). In class, she sometimes followed what the rest of the class was doing. More often, she moved to her own rhythm, in her own style. She wandered in and out of the class multiple times during the two-hour training session.

When it was time to line up at the end of the session, everyone scurried to their places. There is a very strong hierarchical structure to karate. You must line up according to belt colour, and then seniority within each belt. The chief instructor stopped the class to make a point of moving the handful of first-time karate participants (all girls in their early 20's) down the line so that Thelma could take her place as senior white belt. It was explained very clearly that she had trained longer and therefore outranked them. It was a beautiful moment. I think too often, the more vulnerable among us are overlooked. But, we all have something to learn from each other. Thelma teaches the class a lesson in persistence. Her presence offers us the opportunity to tap into a softer side of the human spirit.

I hope that when I am in my 80's and have dementia, I will be welcomed to take my place in line at the end of class as senior white belt.

Karate Part I: Try your gi on the day before

Not too far from my work, there is a karate club of the same style I studied years ago. When I emailed the group to find out their rates, they offered me the opportunity to come try a class for free.

The day of my class, I decided to try on my karate gi 30 minutes before I had to leave.

It had not been worn in eight years. My brief stint in karate coincided with my Freshman 15. Currently, my weight is about 10 lbs below my normal baseline. The 25 lb gap between then and now meant I was swimming in the gi. No problem, I thought, I'll just pull harder on the drawstring and tie my belt really tight. That's when I noticed there was a stain on the front of the uniform. I'll just bleach it. I've never bleached anything in my life. Ever. After pouring bleach directly on the gi, I realized what a dumb idea that was. I added water to the bleached -- though now stain-free -- area. So, now I had a wet gi, my kitchen smelled like a public swimming pool, and I needed to leave in 10 minutes. Epic fail. I ended up abandoning the project and tossing the gi into the washing machine. Luckily, I had an Aikido gi kicking around, and I just wore that.

For anyone else who is domestically challenged, Martha Stewart has a great stain removal chart, which I should have consulted sooner.

The karate class itself was great.

Thought Bite: Amazing Things

www.quotesnsayings.net

Splash Park

Today, I spent the afternoon at a splash park with some of my very favourite people.

Similar-looking splash park in Michigan. Sadly, I did not have my camera today.

Among our posse was my friend's 16 month old daughter; I'll call her Holly. Once we got her swimsuit on, Holly grabbed my hand and led me to one of the water jets at the park. Water bubbled up from the round grate. For Holly, this was pure magic. While still holding onto me with one hand, she gingerly reached out with the other to test the water. Feeling a little braver, she let go of my hand and ran her fingers through the water jet. She frequently turned to look back at me, smiling broadly, as if to say, it just doesn't it get any cooler than this. After a few minutes, the jet stopped. Holly yelped a little, and started stomping on the area where it had been. She leaned over the round grate to investigate. The jet started up again and just about knocked her over. Holly reached for my hand, and the 'learn to trust the water jet' routine started over again. We must have spent an hour like this.

Someone else's kid - from an article on splash parks and germs.

It was a terrific afternoon.

Holly reminded me that I am surrounded by beautiful and wonderful things; I just need to look at the world through the eyes of a child.

From Curiosities by Dickens