Calling In the One: The Post-Its

One of the first exercises I did from Calling in the One (Katherine Woodward Thomas) involved developing a list of 'Essence Qualities.' First, you make a list of words want to anchor yourself to. Some of the words on my list included: healing, joy, love, courage, honesty, forgiveness... Next, you transform the words into affirming sentences. For example, Joy became My life is filled with joy and laughter.

These affirming sentences should then be transfered to Post-It notes. I had some jazzy yellow, orange, and pink ones. The Post-It's should be featured prominently within your living space. I placed mine along the edge of my bedroom bookcase. Then, read them every day for a while. Make sure you pick good stuff so that it's fun to read. It doesn't have to true per se. You just have to want it to be true - you know something you aspire to. As you can see from my photo, I worked on releasing the past. I also had one that said I am beautiful. Definitely include that one in your collection. It's nice to read that you're beautiful every day.

Calling in the One

I've recently worked my way through a wonderful book called Calling in the One. As you can see from the cover, the book promises "7 weeks to attract the love of your life." I'm still single, but have no regrets having spent the $14.56 Amazon charged me for the book.

Working through the Calling in the One was a huge turning point for me. This isn't to say that now I'm, you know, built of teflon and all reminders of my marriage just glide off. Not at all. I still have a mini-meltdown every now and again (particularly on days involving interactions with lawyers). However, now I have a lot more insight into why things didn't work out with my husband, and the person I want to be when I emerge from all this mess. Essentially, the person I "called in" was myself. This is important. You can't think of eventually building a relationship with someone else until you are well acquainted (and at peace with) yourself.

In the next few days, I will share some of the more comical moments of this little adventure. The book indicated that you get out of it what you put in, and I wanted to squeeze every last drop of wisdom out of its pages. So, even when skeptical, I followed the exercises. I laughed, I cried. I did things I never would have done otherwise (e.g. setting a fire in my kitchen sink).

Enjoy.

First Solo Wedding

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One of my closest friends just got married this past weekend. I had RSVP'd months ago -- sans +1.
I was a little nervous about going to a wedding. It wasn't that many years ago that I was a bride myself. The last couple weddings I attended with my husband, I cried on the way home wishing that he and I could somehow recapture the happiness we had once shared. So, I was worried this might be quite the salt-in-wound experience. I decided to drive by myself so that if I became an emotional basketcase, I had an easy escape.

And then the unexpected happened: I had an absolute ball at this wedding.

I had my hair done that morning and wore a new dress. I felt great. Friends I hadn't seen in months were at the wedding with their husbands, and I was so thrilled to see them again. I ate. I danced. I smiled.

As I looked around at the beautiful landscape and all the happy people, I felt a genuine, profound happiness for the newlyweds. And at that moment, I was overcome with a reassuring feeling that I, too, will find love again.

Letting Yourself Be Loved

As I have alluded to previously, the first few months of 2012 were marked by a number of non-divorce crises in addition to the breakdown of my marriage. I remember painfully joking to a friend of mine at one point that getting divorced was #4 on my list of acute stressors. Historically, I have not been one to talk much about problems in my life. Rather, I typically played the role of listener or counsellor when people around me hit a rocky season in their own lives. However, the cumulation of the crises of 2012 brought me unsettlingly close to my breaking point. And this is when I did something very radical: when someone I trusted asked me how I was doing, I gave them an honest answer.

And you know, that was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I learned very quickly that I was surrounded by more love, acceptance, and support than I realized. I was hugged when I cried; reassured when I doubted myself. At a time when I wasn't sure how I would make it though, some very beautiful people offered to carry me. And because of the love shown to me, I managed to keep my head above water as the storm blew past.

Today, I am challenging each of you to reflect on the following thought from Calling in "The One" (more on this wonderful book in future weeks):

For love, by definition, happens when it is safe to be flawed in the presence of another... It is never our perfections that makes us lovable, but rather our shortcomings and our perfectly imperfect imperfections.