Single Girl Snippet: Was He Flirting With Me? Part 3

"Was He Flirting With Me?" and "UPDATE: Was He Flirting With Me?" are two of the most popular posts on this blog. So, it would appear that you, my dear readers, find my dating life (or, rather, lack thereof, at the moment) quite interesting.

And so, I bring to you what I expect to be the final installment in the "Was He Flirting With Me?" series.

Anyhow, as previously established, yes, he most certainly was flirting with me back a few months ago when we first met. (And by 'he,' I mean my coworker's roommate. Let's call him Sam.)

In the update, I posed the question as to whether it was unethical to consider signing up for Latin dance classes with Sam given that I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with him. The reviews were mixed. In the end, I ended up saying to my coworker that he could give Sam my contact info, but that I would likely only be able to fit in dance classes on Sundays. I thought this was restrictive enough that the project would likely fall through. But, truth be told, I actually do want to take dance lessons. And, to be even more frank, after being separated for nearly a year, the idea of having a dance partner is nice. I think we all need human touch. I don't mean necessarily romantic. When you move to a new city by yourself post separation... let's just say that the amount of touch in your life takes a nosedive. So, gliding across the dance floor in the arms of some guy sounds pretty good.

My "Sure, you can give him my info" email resulted in receiving a reply from Sam along the lines of: "Dance is all about commitment and communication, so let's grab coffee and take it from there." I had sort of convinced myself that this wasn't a real set up, that really everything was totally platonic. You know, like my coworker just happened to know of two people who wanted to learn to dance, and they just happened to be of opposite genders. But, even I had to admit that this committed coffee business smelled awfully date-like. So, Sam got my best "I'm going through a divorce, not ready to date, and sorry if I gave you the wrong impression" line. I thought for sure that would scare him off, and that would be the end of that (phew!). It wasn't. So, then I offered to turn 'coffee' into 'tea and cookies' thinking that would for sure make me sound lame (and who wants to date the lame girl who is into tea and cookies?).

Sam was not deterred. Today, when I woke up, this was the email in my inbox:
From my perspective, I met a very smart, cute, and interesting girl at my roommate's housewarming party. And, I just learned that she is looking for a dance partner. I'd like to tag along for ride. That's it. What will come of this? Who knows. I understand that you are in the midst of a divorce, that you're not looking for either a rebound relationship or anything more serious. Friendship perhaps? So, rather than focus on expectations, let's just have fun and leave it at that. I would love to meet you for tea and cookies. Let me know what your schedule is like, and I will work around it.

How could I say no to that? So, I texted him. One text turned into a drawn-out dialogue over the next hour or so. Turns out that Sam does yoga and is into nutrition. He loves to cook. He even thinks my whole gluten-free issue is not a big deal (he previously dated another celiac). I still don't think anything is really going to come of all this on the romantic relationship front, but it's really nice to be treated so respectfully. This guy doesn't really seem to have any ulterior agenda other than maybe hoping that at some point I change my mind about dating him. Refreshing.

Tea and cookies tonight.

Single Girl Snippet: Party, Party, Party

A colleague from work had a birthday party recently. Excerpts from conversations between me (M), my gay friend (G), the lawyer who hit on me (L), a female friend (F) and other random people (R1, R2, R3...). It was a great night.

R1: Is that your boyfriend?
R1 gestures toward my gay friend.
M: No, we just work together


G: So, if I didn't tell you I was gay, would you think that I was?
M: Um, I definitely had my suspicions.
G: Oh...
He sounded really disappointed.
M: I think it's great though! I mean really, there's very little overlap in the Venn diagram of males who would be attracted to us. It's perfect. We can be each other's wingperson.

R2: So, that's your boyfriend over there?
R2 nod in direction of my gay friend.
M: No, we just work together.



 F: What were you guys talking about?
G: That we're both single.
F looks to me.
F: Are you looking for a man or a woman?
M: Man.
F: Oh, so man, but say you met a girl and she was really pretty?
M: Uh, no, still just a man. I think I am sort of unidirectional on this one.
F: Oh. Too bad. You know, I saw my ex-girlfriend in the market the other day.
Verrrry interesting. This particular friend is involved in a serious relationship with a male currently.


M: So people around here seem to think you're my boyfriend.
G: Really? Why?
M: I don't know. We 're almost like a bad joke: "The nearly-divorced girl and the gay guy go to a party..."


R3: So, is that guy your boyfriend?
Points to my gay friend.
M: No, we just work together.


L: Interesting music, eh?
M: Yeah.
Lawyer immediately takes the seat next to me on the couch.
L: I'm (he said his name... I'm embarrassed that I don't actually remember what it was).
M: Nice to meet you.
L: So, you know the host from...?
M: Work, actually. You?
L: Cousin. You from here?
M: No. I just moved.
L: Me too. May.
M: Same.
L: This is a great city. Good choice to establish yourself here.
M: I'm actually planning to go back to [my hometown] in a few years.
L: Oh, that's a great city, but the work opportunities for me aren't very interesting. Much better here. You really should stay here.
I was puzzled as to how this stranger's career should have any bearing on my life plans.
L: We should go out sometime with our host and his girlfriend. What do you think?
This catches me totally off guard. I think it was a legit double-date offer.
M: Uh, sure.
I was so stunned. A polite version of "I'm not sure you're my type" would have been more appropriate.
L: It really has been a pleasure meeting you.
M: Thanks, that`s nice of you to say.
He puts his hand on my leg. I like my personal space. He was a little too comfortable. This was not just a friendly tap on my knee...
L: So, why did you move here?
M: Oh, you know, change of scenery.
I figured a "change of scenery" sounded better than "found out my husband was looking for a new soulmate and decided to skip town."
L: Well, it was SO great meeting you tonight.
M: Thanks.
L: You getting to know the city here?
M: Yeah, bit by bit.
L: You know, the bar scene is so different here than where you come from.
Next few minutes we discussed bars, then:
L: It REALLY has been a pleasure spending time with you tonight.
I'm not sure anyone has ever been happier to meet me than this guy! I don't even think he had been drinking very much.
M: Uh, thanks.
His hand found its way back to my leg. I did not encourage this.
L: I'm going to go smoke outside. Why don't you come?
M: Oh, I don't smoke.
L: Ever?
M: Never had a cigarette in my life.
L: Come outside.
M: No.
L: Ok, well it has been REALLY great spending time with you tonight!


Back to the dance floor
G: Who's your new boyfriend?
M: He's not my boyfriend.
G: Seriously though, good for you! You were just like sitting there and effortlessly attracted a guy. Good work!
M: Thanks. He's a lawyer. Nice enough guy. The smoking thing is an issue.
G: Did you make out with him?
M: No.
G: Why not?! Oh wait - the cute guy is back! Ok, we can't touch or be close, I don't want to give him the wrong impression! I hope he's not straight...


Overall, it was such a great night! I got to know some of my work colleagues better. Had some nice wine. Danced. And, though I am confident the lawyer is not my soulmate, it still felt great to be deemed so attractive by someone I had just met. I'm really glad I went to the party rather than deciding that it wasn't really my thing (which, strictly speaking, is probably true - but this is a year of pushing beyond my comfort zone).

Single Girl Snippet: The Guy with the Dandelion Greens

Click here to read about dandelion greens

Being somewhat new to the city, I'm still on the hunt for the ultimate grocery shop. I am a bit of a health-nut foodie, so finding quality fresh produce at a good price is paramount. My little quest took me to a store in a yuppie neighbourhood over the weekend.

While selecting my organic greens for the week (half price!!!), I couldn't help but notice that the guy a few metres down from me was carefully scrutinizing the dandelion greens. He eventually settled on what appeared to be a fairly healthy-looking bunch from my vantage point, and placed them in his basket beside his cantaloupe. Very impressive. Also, I couldn't help but notice that Mr. Dandelion is, uh, pretty easy on the eyes. Like maybe he does modeling on the side - that kind of attractive.

The store itself was rather cramped, so Mr. D. was always a few metres ahead as we zig-zagged through the dry goods. I eventually skipped an aisle, which brought me to the cash first. Of the four line ups, he chose to stand behind me. Okay, so now I have this very attractive guy standing like a foot away. Whistling along with the radio. So, he's a confident, happy, very attractive guy. It would have been an entirely appropriate time to start a conversation. But, I couldn't think of anything intelligent to say. Plus, I'm actually standing at the cash in spandex shorts, a sleeveless top that leaves a small gap before my shorts start, ballcap, and four small waterbottles anchored to my waist. It made perfect sense to me that morning to map my 10K run to end at the grocery store; I didn't exactly expect to run into Mr. D. Yeah, so essentially, I'm there in my sweaty spandex holding three tubs of organic greens in one hand and red wine vinegar in the other. Not exactly at my sexiest and most confident I have to say.

So, I toss out the following:
1 - What would you have done?
2 - What would have been a good conversation starter?

UPDATE: Was He Flirting With Me?

Ladies and gentlemen, we now have closure on the issue of "Was he flirting with me?"

Answer: Yes.


Yesterday, I received an email from my coworker. I will paraphrase it below:

Remember my roommate, Matt? You met him when I had our group over for drinks that time. Well, he wants to learn to dance. You mentioned recently that you would like to learn to dance, too. So, let me know if you're interested in taking tango lessons with Matt and I'll put the two of you in touch.



Photo Source


Here is the dilemma:
Matt is a good-looking guy, a couple years my junior. He was quite pleasant when we met, but I can tell you right now that there is something about him that is a total deal-breaker when it comes to having a relationship. Is it kosher to sign up for tango lessons with him anyways? It makes me feel like a bit of a schmuck.

Voting time:

YES - it's totally kosher. It's not like dance lessons are a marriage proposal. It's not even a formal date. Enjoy the muscle-y eye candy and flirtatious dance moves!

NO - Tango is a fairly sensual dance. Agreeing to to the lessons is kind of like agreeing to a date. If you're really convinced there is zero chance of a relationship, then invest your time and energy elsewhere.

Single Girl Snippet: But Hey, You're a Babe

Source - click here

On my way home from karate class tonight, I was accosted by a fairly innocent looking guy in his early twenties.

Excerpt from the conversation that ensued between this skateboarder (S) and me (M) at 10pm while waiting for the light to change at the intersection.

S: Just hit my skateboard with your foot. Really hard.
M: What?
S: Just do it.
I had just finished a gruelling two-hour karate class where a wrong move meant your partner would send you to the ground. I wasn't going to give this guy the upperhand.
M: No.
S: Come on, just like this.
He was pretty friendly, and really not intimidating. I feebly stuck my foot on the stupid skateboard.
S: Not like that. Harder. Give it a good kick. No, wait a second, let's try this instead.
He put the skateboard on the ground and pointed for me to kick it in the middle so that it would spin. Again, I feebly made some gesture with my foot because clearly this guy was not going to relent.
S: No, not exactly.
M: Ok.
Finally, the light changed.
S: You know, you were kind of slow to learn the concept; but, hey...you're a babe.
He smiled shyly and nodded approvingly, as though my 'babe status' made my lack of skateboarding skills forgiveable. He then skateboarded off to meet his group of friends.

And, you know, this little exchange was probably the highlight of my day.

Single Girl Snippet: Was He Flirting With Me?

Why do you keep blowing off the guys who hit on you? This is the question my best friend asked me one night after we had been out at a bar together many years ago. We had both just turned 23. It was summer. We were single. I looked at her, startled, What guys?
This is when I was informed of my pronounced flirtation recognition deficit. Sadly, this disability coupled with a fairly pronounced shy streak meant that - unbeknownst to me -  I was giving off cactus vibes to potential suitors. Now that I am single again and contemplating re-entry into the world of dating, I can't help but wonder whether my flirt-o-meter is still broken. Like, for example, the other day when one of my co-workers invited our work group over for drinks this evening.

Excerpt from conversation between my coworker's roommate (R) and me (M) as I am preparing to leave.
M: Oh geez, I have to go. I have dinner plans.
R: A date?
M: No.
The rest of the group chuckles.
M: No, really guys. Not a date. I'm going to be a third wheel, actually. Meeting a friend and her boyfriend for dinner.
There's a murmur of supportive Oh's.
M: It's fine. I'm looking forward to it. Really.
R is on his way back into the condo to get drink refills. I thank my coworker for hosting us, say goodbye to the group, and head indoors with the roommate.
R: So, you live really close, eh?
M: Yeah, less than a five minute walk from here.
R: We'll be seeing a lot of you here, then?
There seemed to be an almost hopeful note to his voice. Big smile. However, I thought this seemed like an odd question. I mean, I work with the guy's roommate; and, I don't even know my coworker all that well. Spending oodles of time at his apartment had not crossed my mind. 
M: Possibly.
More likely, I thought, was that each of us would take a turn hosting post-work drinks.
The roommate smiled, and then reached out and touched my back.
M: Ok, so to get out of here, I go down this hall?
R: Yes. Here, I'll open the door for you.
Note: my hands were empty. My purse was on my shoulder. I could have opened the door.
M: Thanks.
The next part of the conversation was something along the lines of him profusely wishing me great enjoyment in my next work assignment, and me saying that I was really looking forward to the project and wishing him a great summer.

Ok, so voting time:

A) Yes, this was flirting.
Evidence: invasion of my personal space and the roommate's thought that it would be normal - even pleasant -  for me to spend copious amounts of time at his apartment this summer.

B) No, he's just a friendly guy.
Evidence: he spent the evening hanging out with his buddy's work colleagues when he could have been doing something else. He smiled a lot. He made a point to learn everyone in the group's name.

Single Girl Snippet: the Best Bum Pants

Every girl has that one pair of pants they feel accentuates their posterior especially well. I'm no exception. My best bum pants are a pair of Adidas running tights I bought for $20 at an end-of-season clearance 6 years ago. They have a strategically placed mesh that runs along the sides and back which somehow just makes everthing look better. I wore these pants to my Zumba class. Spandex courage, I suppose.

Walking home from Zumba, I was thinking about really important things like what to make for dinner and whether laundry could wait until the morning. That's when I noticed there was a very attractive guy walking towards me across four lanes of traffic and a median - a Vin Diesel type. I've included a picture below for those of you who, like me, are pop culture challenged. I just learned who Vin Diesel was not that long ago. (He's an actor.)

Ok, so here I am standing at an intersection waiting to cross the street in the perpendicular direction. I'm wearing the best bum workout pants, a t-shirt, and oversized sunglasses. This getup was apparently sufficient nerd camouflage because as Vin Diesel sauntered over to where I was, the left side of his mouth pulled into an appreciative smile. He pulled at his sunglasses so he could make eye contact. I smiled shyly. Moments later, he arrived where I was standing.

And what did I do?

Nothing.

So, he kept walking and that was the end of that.

Apparently, my flirting muscles are atrophied from years of disuse.
Sometime in the next few months, I will have to work on that. Not sure how one learns to flirt... there must be a how-to book or something.