Thought Bite: Friendship

Lessons From Sam

Excerpts from conversations between Sam (S) and Me (M):

Lesson 1: Volunteering for causes you know little about so that the cool kids will like you = bad idea.
S: Remind me why you volunteered for this committee at work?
M: I like the people on it, and I want them to be my friends.
S: But you've been stresing out about the article you need to write for days now.
M: I need to submit it this week.
S: It's a volunteer committee - it's supposed to be fun.
M: I know.
S: That's it. It's getting late. Turn off the computer and go to bed. Tomorrow, you get in touch with these people and tell them you just don't have time for this right now. Which, let's be honest, is true. This is getting ridiculous. You've been up late three nights in a row spazzing out about your volunteer work. These people will like you even if you don't join their stupid committee.
(This actually turned out to be true. They invited me to their party tomorrow.)

Lesson 2: Starting a new job + getting divorced = you can't be there for everyone, all the time, everywhere.
S: You can't do it.
M: She needs me.
S: This is obviously stressing you out.
M: I know. But, you don't get it. I have to do this.
S: No, you don't.
M: Yes, I do.
S: Look, you are working the equivalent of two full-time jobs and dealing with a divorce. This is going to have to be one of those times that someone else plays the role of supportive friend.
M: Seriously. You really don't get it. I have to do this. You just don't understand.
S: No, I DO understand. You are running yourself ragged. You have enough on your plate. This is too much.
M: Look, clearly you don't get it. I don't want to talk about this anymore.
(Then, in the middle of the night, I had my first - and hopefully last - anxiety attack. Score: Sam 2, Me 0.)

Lesson 3: I am attractive (Ok, I know that sounds so arrogant, but I'm still going to leave it there.)
S: That guy we just walked past was totally checking you out.
M: No, he wasn't.
S: Yes, he was. Do you think he was turning his head to get a second look at me?
M: Fair enough. He could be gay though.
S: Well, I was with a girl, so he probably figured out that I'm not gay.
M: Point taken.
S: You're a beautiful girl, you know.
M: That's nice of you to say.
S: I'm not just trying to be nice. It's true.
M: I already said you're not spending the night.
S: This is not about sleeping at your apartment. However, if you change your mind, let me know. Anyways, you're very attractive, and you should know that.
(After the trauma of the breakdown of my marriage and the divorce proceedings, 'attractive' is hardly how I felt. I think I will always have a special place in my heart for Sam for reminding me that even in my brokenness, I can still be seen as attractive.)

Welcome to November!

Hello dear readers! Welcome to a new month in blogland. November is slated to be a month focused on relationships.

As you know, I recently inadvertently started casually seeing someone. I had not planned to start dating again until January (which, handily enough, coincides with the blog month themed 'New Beginnings'). But, sometimes life throws you a curve ball. So, I'm sure that navigating this crazy new world of romance will provide ample entertaining blog fodder. However, what I am surprised to be discovering is how much I am learning about myself and life in general through my budding pseudo-relationship (if you can call it that). Sam is someone who went through some major life upset about a year before I did. To his great credit, he used to the opportunity to do some serious introspection and personal growth. Now, he regularly doles out pearls of wisdom when I am being a spaz (which, let's be fair, is pretty often these days). In the weeks to come, I will pass along some of these gems to you.

Other relationship types I intend to touch on this month (ie. beyond relationship with self, with romantic partner) will be the concept of friendship and family.

So, lofty goals considering last month I fell off the blogosphere and only produced a handful of entries, but things at work are calmer and should allow for more personal time.

As usual, feedback welcome. I always love receiving emails and reading comments.

Thought Bite: Start a New Chapter

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Single Girl Snippet: How You Know You Have Good Friends

Excerpt from telephone conversation between close friend (C) and me (M):
C: Hey, you got a second?
M: Yeah, for sure.
C: So, your new guy...
M: Yeah?
C: Ok, so he seems really nice and all. But..
M: Mmmhmmm?
C: I Googled him.
M: Oh.
C: Look, obviously what you do is up to you. I just wanted to make sure you were aware.
M: Thanks.


And this is how you know you have good friends.

It would be a easier to not call up your friend in another city after Google-stalking the guy she is casually seeing. However, that's not what my friend did. And for that, I am very grateful. It means she cares. It also means that there are people looking out for me to help prevent a second round of "I married a knucklehead."

Naturally, I had to do my own Google stalking. Then, I had to have a serious heart-to-heart with Sam. All I will say on the issue is that sometimes Google doesn't give you the whole story. That said, Sam is aware that I see the issue in question as a bit of a red flag. So, we've agreed to spend a bit of time getting to know each other, and plan to revisit the issue should things move in the direction of an actual relationship. Conversely, he doesn't need to know all the gory details of my marriage and divorce (which, thank God, are not available via Google) at this time either. Everyone has their baggage.

How to Inadvertently Start Dating Again

First, I apologize for the lack of blog posts this month. I had intended on spending the month simplifying my life, but I actually made it more complex. In the midst of the complexity and chaos, something had to give. Unfortunately, it was the blog. However, that said, I realized I miss blogging. The exercise forces me to reflect on my personal growth journey and move forward, rather than stagnate or spin my wheels in anxious circles. So, I'll try to update things more frequently in the future.

So, the question on everyone's mind, it seems (based on all the emails and texts I have been receiving), is where have I been this month. The answer is twofold. First, I have been clocking in an ungodly number of hours at my job. Second - and, to be frank, the real reason blogging got the boot for a few weeks - I met a boy.

This is the story of how I inadvertently started dating again.

You all remember Sam, I'm sure (the Sam stories are apparently some of the most popular posts on this blog). In case you don't, the story in a nutshell is that my coworker's roommate hit on me at a party over the summer. More recently, my coworker reintroduced us on the pretext that we both wanted to learn to dance and should therefore take lessons together. I told Sam I didn't want to date anybody, was getting divorced, blah, blah, blah... He said that was fine and suggested we be friends.

THEN, I had a super crappy day at work. Like the kind of bad day that at the end of my career I will look back on and be all like "Whoa, now THAT was a bad day!" I got home from work much later than expected. It just happened that this was the evening Sam was supposed to drop by for tea to discuss dance lessons. Sam offered to postpone when he realized I was running so late. I said I was really busy that week, so better just to leave our plans as they were (Confession: in my head, I was thinking "I don't want to give up another weeknight over this"). I walk in the door, change into yoga pants, a camouflage workout shirt, and a hoodie. In my head, this was not a date. I was tired and grumpy. I was in my own apartment. I like yoga pants and hoodies.

Sam came later than I had said was the minimum time I needed to wolf down some dinner before he arrived ("I wanted to make sure you were comfortable," he later said). Now, unlike yours truly, Sam arrived freshly showered, nicely dressed, smelling really nice, and had a bottle of wine in hand. Dance lessons never came up in the ensuing conversation, and the evening didn't entirely end on a platonic note. Ok, I just realized that sounds way more suggestive than what actually happened. He kissed me. That's it. And you know what, it had been a long time since someone had kissed me. It was nice. We agreed to see each again.

The next couple of weeks established a pattern of evening visits involving tea at my apartment with me in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, and him nicely dressed and freshly showered. He eventually told me that he was willing to tolerate the yoga pants, but that the camouflage workout shirt had to be reserved for workouts only. I guess this is fair.

And so, it's been about a month now. I don't think this is my Mr. Right, but he really has been a gift in my life as a Mr. Right Now. I'll write more about lessons from Sam in weeks to come.

Single Girl Snippet: Pinch Hitting for the Husband

As some of you may remember, when I moved into my current apartment this summer, I went on a fierce independent furniture-assembling spree. There were shelves, coffee tables, a bed, and a rather large sofa.

Excerpt from a conversation between a male neighbour (N) and me (M) the other day:
N: Is your couch from Ikea, too?
M: Yup. I quite like it, actually. A little tough to put together because the pieces were so big and heavy though.
N: You put it together by yourself?!
M: Obviously. What else was I supposed to do? There was nowhere to sit in my apartment.
N: Why didn't you call me?
M: We had only met once at that point, and it seemed kind of weird to then invite you over to assemble my furniture.
N: You should have called.

One of the many challenges in navigating the transition from 'wife' to 'single girl' are these moments in time when life would just be so much easier if someone with a muscle mass bigger than my own were around. Being fairly stubborn, I generally figure out a way to get around the problem. But, the conversation with my neighbour the other day made reflect on how a) I am prone to making life more complicated than it really needs to be, and b) I am actually surrounded by people who would be happy to pinch hit for the various roles in my life my husband played. The reality is just that in my new life, my best friend, confidant, muscles, shoulder to cry on, advice giver, etc are no longer all the same person. Though it's a bit of a mental gear shift, I'm very grateful to be as well supported as I am.

More Meditation

October is the month of simplifying and living in the moment. Seems like a good time to learn to meditate. Becoming a bona fide meditator remains an elusive quest. Some of you may remember my first uncomfortable foray into the world of meditation classes. My do-it-yourself approach to meditation at home was also an epic fail - I've been on the same page of Jon Kabat-Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living for over a month. Recently, I went back to the meditation classes down the street. Last class, all I needed to do was stare at a candle and then share my reflection (initially, we were told the sharing was optional, but then the entire group shared and looked expectantly at me. I'm not sure that my whole "I'm new to this and had a hard time quieting my mind" was what they were hoping for. I thought that sounded better than "I'm going to have stir-fry for dinner" which is what I was really thinking about.) Anyhow, the candle staring was bearable. In fact, I was encouraged that maybe I could learn to even like the exercise. Tonight's class, however, was another dose of radical meditation:

Excerpt from the teacher's instructions (T) and my inner dialogue (I):
T: Ok, everyone come and form a circle with your legs out in front of you.
I: Everyone else here seems to be BFF's. I don't know about this snuggle up in close stuff.
T: Alright, really, come in close. We are trying to form a circle.
I: That was definitely directed at me. Who knew that lightbulb shape wasn't close enough to circle for a pass. Better scoot in a bit.
T: Now look around. Be comfortable seeing your peers. Be comfortable being seen.
I: This is a little too up close and personal. I wonder if anyone would notice if I just stare at the candle instead of making eye contact with all these strangers.
T: Now, close your eyes...
I: Oh, thank God! Finally some relief from all that soul gazing.
T:...And grab the hands of the people sitting next to you while keeping your eyes closed.
I: Ooookay, so we are all snuggled in tight here reaching for each others hands. This could go verrrry wrong.
T: Now REALLY feel the other person's hands...

After the pseudo-hand massages, we all breathed out loudly while chanting a loud Ahhhh. I'm kind of glad I go to these things alone because I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face otherwise.

Anyhow, in spite of the craziness and the uncomfortable feelings, I felt unusually calm and relaxed walking home from meditation class. Maybe this is just the medicine I need.


Anyone out there have experience with meditation? What helped you learn to quiet your mind?

Looks Like It's 10/12/12

If you were waiting with bated breath after October 12th's post, here is the answer as to whether October 12th would manifest my Mr. Right: nope. In spite of the heels, makeup, and a cute dress, the Universe did not provide.

So, ladies and gentlemen, apparently December 10th, 2012 is going to be the magic day. I'll have to put it in my planner. ;-)

Let's all keep our fingers crossed!

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12/10/12 vs 10/12/12

A few weeks after separating from my soon-to-be ex-husband, I read The Soulmate Secret. Some of you may recall the collage I created as a result of this book.

Another exercise recommended was to close my eyes and visualize the date I was going to meet Mr. Right. This is what I saw (yes, in big, bold red numbers just like these):

12/10/12

then...

10/12/12

then...

12/10/12

The first two numbers kept switching places. Now, this was back in January. Both October 12th AND December 10th seemed like a lifetime away. However, here we are: October 12th, 2012 is upon us.

Probably a good day to wear heels and makeup. ;-)

Living Life

Clearly, there has been a bit of a decline in post frequency this month compared to previous. The main reason for this is that I have been very busy living the life I am creating for myself. I love my career, and lately I have been working 50-60 hrs/week. I have been going to a yoga class 4-5 times/week, and it's amazing the difference I am already seeing in my flexibility and strength in just a few weeks. I am also socializing more now than really at any other point in my life. It's not uncommon for me to see a different group of friends each of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday on the weekends I am not working. And finally, I have dipped my toes into the waters of the world of dating (which warrants a post of its own).

And so, with all this activity, my computer time has taken a nosedive. I am debating the direction I want this blog to take. In the early stages of separation, it kept me accountable -- I mean, if I said I was going to do something, then I needed to haul my sorry self out into the world and do it. Now, though I'm wondering if it's time to dial back a bit on the post frequency. We'll see in the next few weeks how things go.

On a side note, thank you to all you faithful readers who started emailing when the daily posts disappeared saying you wanted the blog back up and running. I'm flattered.

Thought Bite: When Someone Treats You Like an Option

Single Girl Snippet: Was He Flirting With Me? Part 3

"Was He Flirting With Me?" and "UPDATE: Was He Flirting With Me?" are two of the most popular posts on this blog. So, it would appear that you, my dear readers, find my dating life (or, rather, lack thereof, at the moment) quite interesting.

And so, I bring to you what I expect to be the final installment in the "Was He Flirting With Me?" series.

Anyhow, as previously established, yes, he most certainly was flirting with me back a few months ago when we first met. (And by 'he,' I mean my coworker's roommate. Let's call him Sam.)

In the update, I posed the question as to whether it was unethical to consider signing up for Latin dance classes with Sam given that I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with him. The reviews were mixed. In the end, I ended up saying to my coworker that he could give Sam my contact info, but that I would likely only be able to fit in dance classes on Sundays. I thought this was restrictive enough that the project would likely fall through. But, truth be told, I actually do want to take dance lessons. And, to be even more frank, after being separated for nearly a year, the idea of having a dance partner is nice. I think we all need human touch. I don't mean necessarily romantic. When you move to a new city by yourself post separation... let's just say that the amount of touch in your life takes a nosedive. So, gliding across the dance floor in the arms of some guy sounds pretty good.

My "Sure, you can give him my info" email resulted in receiving a reply from Sam along the lines of: "Dance is all about commitment and communication, so let's grab coffee and take it from there." I had sort of convinced myself that this wasn't a real set up, that really everything was totally platonic. You know, like my coworker just happened to know of two people who wanted to learn to dance, and they just happened to be of opposite genders. But, even I had to admit that this committed coffee business smelled awfully date-like. So, Sam got my best "I'm going through a divorce, not ready to date, and sorry if I gave you the wrong impression" line. I thought for sure that would scare him off, and that would be the end of that (phew!). It wasn't. So, then I offered to turn 'coffee' into 'tea and cookies' thinking that would for sure make me sound lame (and who wants to date the lame girl who is into tea and cookies?).

Sam was not deterred. Today, when I woke up, this was the email in my inbox:
From my perspective, I met a very smart, cute, and interesting girl at my roommate's housewarming party. And, I just learned that she is looking for a dance partner. I'd like to tag along for ride. That's it. What will come of this? Who knows. I understand that you are in the midst of a divorce, that you're not looking for either a rebound relationship or anything more serious. Friendship perhaps? So, rather than focus on expectations, let's just have fun and leave it at that. I would love to meet you for tea and cookies. Let me know what your schedule is like, and I will work around it.

How could I say no to that? So, I texted him. One text turned into a drawn-out dialogue over the next hour or so. Turns out that Sam does yoga and is into nutrition. He loves to cook. He even thinks my whole gluten-free issue is not a big deal (he previously dated another celiac). I still don't think anything is really going to come of all this on the romantic relationship front, but it's really nice to be treated so respectfully. This guy doesn't really seem to have any ulterior agenda other than maybe hoping that at some point I change my mind about dating him. Refreshing.

Tea and cookies tonight.

October: Simplicity

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Welcome to October's Theme.

Quarterly Report

Alright, so I'm at the 25% point of my 1-year project.
These are the residual effects:

June - Gorganization
My apartment is reasonably tidy most of the time. That said, during busier work weeks, piles of laundry on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink, and an unmade bed are the norm. I'm still working on managing clutter. I'm going to revisit my minimalist aspirations next month again.

I still bulk prep meals on weekends. It just makes workday lunches so much easier.

The file system is alive and well. I don't know why I didn't set one up years ago.

The learn-to-dance odyssey continues. However, now when I go to weddings or parties, I actually dance. You know, you just get to the point where you realize no one else really cares what you look like. And, it's a lot more fun to join in than sit on the sidelines and watch.

I'm still married to my moleskine planner. People at work are trying to pursuade me to move to something electronic... it just wouldn't be the same.

I caved and reactivated my Facebook account. The people I socialize with here are all Facebook junkies, and I didn't want to be left out of the loop. I did, however, do a major purge of my "Facebook friends." And, I jacked up the privacy settings. Now, it's not causing me the anxiety it used to. My status is something like "Homemade soup will be ready in 10 minutes. Text or call if you want to join me for dinner." You can only do things like that when you actually like all the people on your "friend" list (or at least you like all the people who live close enough to take you up on your offer of dinner).


July - Self-care
Retail therapy is much more prominent in my life than in previous years. Not that I go crazy or spend money that I don't have. But, now, about once/month I let myself indulge a little. Last month (August), I bought some new clothes. This month (September), I bought a 3-month yoga pass. It's soooo decadent!

Pseudo - spa nights have become more regular. The at-home pampering is a nice way to unwind. Next on my project list is to learn more about making my own producs and source out local ingredients to do so. At some point this year, I want to try making soap.

One area where I have really made an effort is to prepare nutritious meals. I really think nutrition is the foundation to good health. Okay, nutrition and good sleep. The sleep part is still a work in progress, but the regular yoga routine seems to be helping.

I'm continuing to make big efforts on the social front. I've actually managed to stick to my resolution to host at least one gathering every month. I see friends or family pretty much every weekend, often twice within the same weekend. The efforts have been soooo worth it!!! My relationships with old friends are even stronger, and I have a number of wonderful new friends.


August - Exploration
In August, I learned that really it's ok sometimes to do what you want rather than what you think is more productive, more useful, etc. No regrets about dumping karate.

Also, I'm so much more ok with saying "This is the way I am; take it or leave it." It's very liberating. People tease me about some of my quirkier habits (making dehydrated flax crackers, for example). But, at the same time, I declined my first real offer of a date since separating because I am confident enough in myself to recognize that though the attention was flattering, he just wasn't the right kind of guy for me. (I will admit, however, that when we were standing next to each other at the end of the evening, and I realized he is like 6'5", I really wished he was my type - I even convinced myself for a second that I should give him my number. But, alas, you can't build a relationship just on the fact that you find tall guys attractive and you meet a tall guy.)

I'm becoming a bit more of a "you only live once" type. Anything that resonates with my image of my future self (who, by the way, is SUCH a cool girl), I say YES. Brunch with strangers? YES! Hosting my work group for dinner? YES. Wardrobe update? YES. Healthy eating? YES. Yoga and meditation? YES. Dance classes? YES.


September - The Non-Tangibles
Working through the book Calling in the One was a huge turning point for me. This isn't to say that now I'm, you know, built of teflon and all reminders of my marriage just glide off. Not at all. I still have a mini-meltdown every now and again. However, now I have a lot more insight into why things didn't work out with my husband, and the person I want to be when I emerge from all this mess. Essentially, the person I "called in" was myself. This is important. You can't think of eventually building a relationship with someone else until you are well acquainted (and at peace with) yourself.

The other really good thing I did for myself was the yoga/meditation monthly pass. I've been making it to the studio about 5 days/week, and Thursdays I stay for a meditation class after the yoga. I'm the type of person who carries stress physically rather than spazzing out. So, the regular deep stretch is just wonderful. I feel calmer, and I am sleeping better. It's great. Helps me process my thoughts, too, I find. I definitely recommend it (though I caution that not all yoga studios are created equal - shop around til you find the right fit). Once my 3-month promo runs out, I may crunch some numbers to see if an annual pass is in my budget. Kinda pricey.

I meant to tackle my existential crisis this month, but didn't happen. So, that project is being pushed to October.


Ok, so a number of you readers have contacted me to say that you are playing along with the projects on this blog. What changes have you made in your life? Did the changes stick? Any pearls of wisdom you would like to share? Funny stories? Touching stories? I would love to hear from you!

Calling In The One: Fire in the Kitchen Sink

Setting a fire in my kitchen sink was definitely the most therapeutic of all the exercise in my Calling in the One journey.
For anyone who isn't into setting fires, the option of tearing the paper, stomping on the paper, or burying the paper is available. But, for me, this was a 'go big or go home' moment. Burning the paper has a sort of finality that the tearing/stomping/burying of the paper does not offer.

So, what was on this paper, you may wonder?

Make two columns. On the left, you include I RELEASE sentences. On the right, write out a matching I EMBRACE sentence. For example, I RELEASE the hope that the past could have been otherwise. I EMBRACE a future filled with joy and love.

I had four full pages.

I cut horizontal lines so that I had a pile of paper strips, each one containing its matching I RELEASE/I EMBRACE sentences. Then I burned them all one by one. It felt good.

And, the next morning, I woke up feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Calling In the One: Fairy Tale Ending

 

One of the exercises that I was most skeptical of during my Calling in the One odyssey was writing a fairy tale featuring yourself. But, I was committed to the process laid out in the book. I opened my journal to a fresh page:

One upon a time there was a princess. She was kind of nerdy, but a nice girl overall. In the kingdom, there also lived a dragon. He was a very arrogant, nasty piece of dragon.

Long story short: Dragon pretends to be a nice prince. Princess falls in love with him. Then, she finds out he tricked her. She gets REALLY mad. Dragon gets banished from the kingdom. AND THEN, a wonderfully tenderhearted, drop-dead gorgeous, incredibly intelligent prince arrives and sweeps the princess off her feet. He thinks the princess is beautiful, very smart, and loves how caring she is towards others. The prince also believes in equal division of household chores. They fall madly in love with each other, get married, and have beautiful, healthy babies. Princess then masters the art of baking Dora-shaped birthday cakes.

Sigh... What a great story.

Anyhow, it was actually kind of therapeutic to write it all out. Granted, I felt kind of silly initially. But, in the end, the effort was worth it. So, I toss out the challenge to all of you readers out there to write out your own fairytale ending. Maybe your 'prince' looks like a dream job, or a dream opportunity, or whatever. Jazz it up. Make yourself be a stellar character. It's a fairy tale, after all.

And they all lived happily ever after...

Calling in the One: Room for Two

Above is a picture of my favourite mug. One of my many quirks is that I eat out of a mug more often than I use a plate. This mug is made by Corningwear and is more bowl-sized than mug really. My first bowl-mug was a gift from an uncle years ago. Sadly, I dropped it a while back and it broke. However, the happy ending to that story is that just recently I spotted said Corningwear mug on sale at a department store. Deciding to buy one bowl-mug was a no-brainer. The debate was whether to buy two of them. You see, I was on the "Make room for two"lesson of Calling in the One at the time. Apparently, if you want to attract a life mate, you need to make room in your living space for them and act like they are already part of your life. If I meet Mr. Right tomorrow and he starts spending a lot of time here, then - and I'm embarrassed to admit this - I don't really want to share my bowl-mug. If I get up in the morning, and I can't have my grain-free cereal in my bowl-mug because someone left it dirty in the sink, well, that would be a very sad way to start the day. On the other hand, I've been making a conscientious effort to keep clutter to a minimum in my apartment since moving in. Buying a second mug with the intention of leaving it unused in the cupboard seemed a little counterintuitive. But, in the end, I decided to bite the bullet and just do as the book instructed.

Just in case the mug wasn't enough, I also bought extra hangers. Then, I bought extra clothes and needed to use the extra hangers. So, I bought even more hangers. I only used a few of the second batch. The rest are ready and waiting for either Mr. Right, or my next shopping spree - whichever comes first. Mr. Right wasn't get very much closet space. He does, however, get a small amount of space (one sixteenth) of my Expedit bookshelf/clothes storage system. I mean, really, it's not like I'm going to keep half the closet bare and half my storage space open. (And, let's be honest, how many couples out there really have a 50/50 division of closet space anyways? That's right, not very many.)

Hopefully the mug + hangers + shelf space is enough spacial karma to attract Mr. Right. Time will tell.

Calling In the One: The Post-Its

One of the first exercises I did from Calling in the One (Katherine Woodward Thomas) involved developing a list of 'Essence Qualities.' First, you make a list of words want to anchor yourself to. Some of the words on my list included: healing, joy, love, courage, honesty, forgiveness... Next, you transform the words into affirming sentences. For example, Joy became My life is filled with joy and laughter.

These affirming sentences should then be transfered to Post-It notes. I had some jazzy yellow, orange, and pink ones. The Post-It's should be featured prominently within your living space. I placed mine along the edge of my bedroom bookcase. Then, read them every day for a while. Make sure you pick good stuff so that it's fun to read. It doesn't have to true per se. You just have to want it to be true - you know something you aspire to. As you can see from my photo, I worked on releasing the past. I also had one that said I am beautiful. Definitely include that one in your collection. It's nice to read that you're beautiful every day.

Calling in the One

I've recently worked my way through a wonderful book called Calling in the One. As you can see from the cover, the book promises "7 weeks to attract the love of your life." I'm still single, but have no regrets having spent the $14.56 Amazon charged me for the book.

Working through the Calling in the One was a huge turning point for me. This isn't to say that now I'm, you know, built of teflon and all reminders of my marriage just glide off. Not at all. I still have a mini-meltdown every now and again (particularly on days involving interactions with lawyers). However, now I have a lot more insight into why things didn't work out with my husband, and the person I want to be when I emerge from all this mess. Essentially, the person I "called in" was myself. This is important. You can't think of eventually building a relationship with someone else until you are well acquainted (and at peace with) yourself.

In the next few days, I will share some of the more comical moments of this little adventure. The book indicated that you get out of it what you put in, and I wanted to squeeze every last drop of wisdom out of its pages. So, even when skeptical, I followed the exercises. I laughed, I cried. I did things I never would have done otherwise (e.g. setting a fire in my kitchen sink).

Enjoy.