Exploration Wrap-Up

August has been so interesting!

Highlights of my month of exploration have included:
-Attending a yoga class with 2000+ other yoginis
-Buying a dehydrator
-Swing dancing
-Attending my first meditation class
-Painting again
-Hosting my coworkers for apps and drinks


I also attended karate classes for a few weeks before realizing that the experience was causing me a fair amount of stress. I was dreading going to class because I hated being yelled at and harshly criticized. So, I decided to tuck the "get my black belt in karate" project on the backburner for now. I am currently in a season of my life where my extra-curricular activities need to be things that bring peace and happiness to my life.

The biggest change in me this month is that I am now much more comfortable attending classes or functions solo. I often invite friends to join in whatever project I have dream up; but, I'm always ready to just go on my own. I don't want to miss out on something just because of social insecurity. I'm also being braver socially. A year ago, I don't think I would have been the one driving the social activity within my work group. But, by sticking my neck out a little, I've discovered that I work with some really great people that I now consider friends. 

I am happier and feel more like myself than I have in years.

Thought Bite: Right Places

Image source

 

So, I married the wrong guy.

However, in navigating the fallout of my marriage, I am discovering a strength and boldness within me I never knew was there. I am more in tune with who I am now than ever before.

Happily ever after may very well be just around the corner...

Painting

How I spent the afternoon

During this month of exploration, I have taken the opportunity to rediscover things I onced loved dearly. Today's project was to paint on a canvas.


As a child, I loved to draw. Art was my favourite subject in high school. College gave me the opportunity to continue refining my skills. Then, I stopped doing art cold turkey. I had met my future husband, and there just didn't seem to be enough hours left in the day to devote to such unproductive activities like art. I mean, it wasn't like I was going to be the next van Gogh or anything. But, the lure of sculpting and painting never really left me. So, when I saw an easel and canvases on sale, I splurged.

 When I got home, I set up my easel and canvas and just stared at it. The fear of painting something not good enough made me hesitant to put a pencil to my perfectly blank slate. I felt like I needed to paint something grandiose, something that would pay hommage to the years I spent taking art lessons. Something truly great. It was a lot of pressure. The whole issue became stressful, so I put the project on the backburner for a while.

Then, while out jogging, I spotted something in an art gallery window that looked like this:

This is actually a much more polished version of what I saw.
The real deal looks like crayon scribbled on yellowed, partly torn paper.

This is when it occurred to me that of all hobbies to give up because of feeling not good enough, painting is a pretty ridiculous choice. Clearly, there is room for everyone in this field - as evidenced by the crayon-on-torn-paper work on sale around the corner. I also realized that this time around, no one was going to be evaluating my portfolio. I was doing this for me. I didn't need to slave for weeks over creating a photorealist depiction of some stupid fruit bowl. And you know what I enjoy painting most? Abstract designs. I love plotting out colour schemes on a colour wheel. I love watching the colours blend together when I mix them on my palette. I love seeing the effect colours have on each other when applied next to one another on a canvas. This is precisely the kind of art my ex-husband would deam "not real art." (As an aside, he also considers Renoir "a hack" and nearly got us thrown out of an art gallery for being a wee bit too vocal about this opinion a few years ago.)

Boating on the Seine by Renoir

Anyhow, I decided to give myself permission to paint what I wanted rather than what I felt I should. This was the result:



Swing Dancing: 2 guys and 1 girl

Photo Source

As part of my effort to a) be more social, and b) figure out what to do with my arms while dancing (see previous posts: Zumba and Azonto), I decided to give swing dancing a try. A quick Google search confirmed that drop-in, introductory lessons were available in my area. I intended to go regardless of whether or not I would know anyone there. That said, I (M) tossed out an invite to my coworkers (C):

M: So, I'm going to go swing dancing on Saturday. Do you want to come? The intro drop-in lesson is $5, and there's an open practice night.
C1: Actually, I would like to go!
M: That's great!
I turned to another coworker.
M: Me and C1 are going swing dancing on Saturday. You should come!
C2: Yeah, maybe. We'll see.
Next coworker.
M: C1 and I are going swing dancing on Saturday. C2 might come, too. You should totally join us. It's going to be great.
C3: I actually love swing dancing!
Who knew I had such cool coworkers?

Anyhow, I invited all eight of my coworkers and successfully recruited two of them for the event (and a third joined us for post-dance drinks). My two recruits were both male. I'm sure the instructor (I) was trying to figure out just what exactly was going on when we walked in together, because he said:

I: You're going to have to choose between your boys to partner up for the lesson.

Slightly awkward situation given that I don't really know either of these guys especially well. But, I'm not going to lie, it is fun walking into a dance lesson sandwiched between two boys. I chose C1 to start. In spite of our great enthusiasm, we did not demonstrate any real natural swing dance talent. In fact, we somehow ended up moving backwards at a furious pace every time we danced together -- numerous near-collisions with walls, posts, a desk, other people. Luckily, C1 found this situation as hilarious as I did, and we spent most of the lesson laughing. C3 can actually dance. He's a good lead. We didn't laugh as much, but I was glad he came out for the evening.

During the practice session, I was asked to dance by some of the other male attendees.

Excerpt from conversation between one of these guys  (G) and me (M) past the midway point in the song we were dancing to:
G: Do you know the basic the step for this style?
M: Nope. 

I thought that was a very nice way of telling me I wasn't especially good. My beginner lesson had been in East Coast swing. This, I learned, is not the same thing as West Coast swing. My fake-it-til-you-make-it strategy failed. On the bright side, the male leads in both East Coast swing and West Coast swing - meaning that the guy essentially decides what the girl needs to do with her arms at all times. This appeals to me.

C1 and I have already made plans to go swing dancing again this weekend. We intend to become superstars by the end of the year (watch out, So You Think You Can Dance!). And, we are going to convince our other coworkers they all secretly harbour desires to become really good swing dancers so that our workgroup kicks butt at the next work talent show.

Karate Part III: Sayings From Sensei

Last week, Sensei said:
If you don't understand the directives, ASK for clarification!

This week, Sensei said:
A white belt should be seen, but NOT heard. You got it?! A white belt should NEVER open their mouth in a karate dojo! They learn by imitating. That's it.


Take a guess as to who both comments were directed at. Yup, this little white belt right here. The second comment was in response to me engaging in dialogue with a black belt who was working one-on-one with me. I'm actually fairly shy and generally don't say much at all in big groups.

I work long hours at what most people would consider a fairly stressful job. The precious time I have outside work I tend to devote to either a) things that need to be done, and b) things that make me happy. Getting yelled at twice/week in karate does not fall into either camp.

So, the debate is really as follows:

A - Toughen up. Work hard. Eventually, I'll get the hang of how this dojo rolls and get back to the level I was at when I stopped training nearly 10 years ago. I really would like to get my black belt eventually.

vs

B - Decide that life is too short to intentionally subject myself to being yelled at and feeling sad as part of my recreational time. Join a yoga class and run club instead.

Any thoughts ?

I See You Have Big Legs

Friends of mine have two young kids who I adore. I've offered to baby-sit to give them some time out sans children. Today, they took me up on my offer. I had a great time, but I will wholeheartedly admit that my six hour playdate reconfirmed my belief that stay-at-home parents have one of the toughest jobs on the planet. I mean, the baby had a five-alarm meltdown when I stuck her in her crib for 30 seconds so I could pee without worrying she would tumble down the stairs or stick her finger in an electrical socket. That said, these kids are just delightful - and quite entertaining - and I am already looking forward to our next visit.

Excerpt from a conversation between me (M) and the four-year-old(F):

F: Okay, who wants bubblegum who is old enough?
There was definitely a snide look in the general direction of her younger sister, who was decidedly too young for bubblegum. She then looked over at me.
F: How about you?
M: Oh, I don't think I will be having any bubblegum today. Thank you for offering though.
F: But, you look old enough -- I see you have big legs.


There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. All this time, bars and liquor stores have been asking for facial photo ID when really, it's the size of your legs that matters.

Get Your Azonto On!

As some of you may remember, I am perplexed by what exactly one does with their arms during freestyle dancing. Always open to new solutions to this predicament (so far, having a glass of wine in each hand seems like my best bet), I recently stumbled across Azonto. Azonto is an African dance from Ghana, which reportedly is gaining mega popularity here in North America. According to Wikipedia, "Azonto, when taught effectively, can be learned within ten minutes." 10 minutes?! I had to check it out.

And so, I present to you for today's daily dose of dancercise: AZONTO!

Here is part one:

Part two of the tutorial from the self-proclaimed "Chosen one of Africa" for all you budding Azonto keensters out there:

If you watch part two, I recommend stopping the video one minute before the end -- this way you'll avoid an annoying plea to rate the video/share the video. Immigration authorities and deportation are mentioned. That said, there are 4 or 5 different options as to what to do with your arms when dancing. This alone made watching the 8 minute clip totally worth it.

And lastly, if you're REALLY keen, here's a jazzy music clip to practice your new moves:

Enjoy!

Thought Bite: Good Morning, Beautiful!

I love this.

Someday, when I rejoin the world of dating, I hope I meet someone that sends me a "Good morning, beautiful!" text every now and again. I mean really, how can you have a bad day after getting a text like that when you wake up? That's right, you pretty much can't. It's like a garanteed good day. For free, and with a very minimal time investment.

Single Girl Snippet: Counselling

There are as many different ways of coping with trauma as there are people in the world. For lots of people, seeing a counsellor can be quite helpful. In the months before and after my separation, I gave it a try. Here's how it went:

Excerpts from conversations between a counsellor (C) and me (M):

Appointment #1: 2 months before separation
C: You know, I have to tell you -- I think I have a lot more in common with your husband than with you.
This comment startled me. I mean, really, who SAYS that to their counselling client?!
M: Um, ok. Well, clearly I'm not communicating well with him, so maybe you can offer me some insight into what he might be thinking.

Appointment #2: 1 month before separation
C: It sounds like you've already tried everything I am suggesting. Have you considered that maybe he is just brain-damaged?
M: Um, no, actually. That thought hadn't occurred to me.

Appointment #3:  1 week post separation
C: How long did you say you and your husband were together?
M: Six or seven years, I think. It’s a long time considering I’m only 29.
C: You know, I ended a relationship of 10 years.
M: That’s a very long time.
C: It really is.
M: I’m sure that must have been very difficult for you.
C: It was. It’s your whole life that changes.
M: So I’m learning.
C: And you know what the most difficult part was?
M: What?
C: The memories. We had shared so many memories together. This was someone who had walked with me a long time, and knew all the stories of my life over those ten years.
In my head: Oh my God, I hadn’t even thought of it that way! I’m losing a quarter of my life worth of memories in this divorce! How distressing!!!  Out loud:
M: I can appreciate how that would be pretty tough.

Appointment #5: 1 month post separation
C: So, you seem to have a number of stressors other than just the divorce on your plate right now.
M: Yes.
C: You know, I'm dealing with a similar situation myself.
M: I'm sorry to hear that.
C: Thanks. It's hard. No one expect these things.
M: True enough.
C: Came out of nowhere.
M: I understand. I hope everything works out ok for you.
C: Thanks. Well, we’re at the end of our time today. I think you should come back in next week.
M: We’ll see. I need to look at my schedule.
C: I think you really need it.
In my head: Uh lady, I think YOU really need the session more than I do. Out loud:
M: Um, ok. I’m not sure.

That was the end of counselling for me.

Low-Maintenance Entertaining

My goal this year is to host at least one gathering per month. Historically, I would get all riled up when I hosted anything and spend hours and hours preparing the house, food, and drinks. This high energy input generally resulted in good results, but I would be so tired afterwards that the idea of hosting anything again anytime soon was overwhelming.

So, time for a new strategy: I call it low-maintenance entertaining.

The basic tenets of this entertaining style are as follows:

1. More often than not, schedule gatherings for hours that do not overlap with meals.
2. When inviting guests, clearly state what you intend to offer them during their visit.
3. Actually just do what you said you would, rather than prepare eighteen different dishes "just in case." If you are hosting outside meal hours, no one is going to starve.
4. Invite your guests to bring their favourite appetizer and/or beverage to the gathering should they so choose.
5. Only say "you don't need to bring anything" when you really mean it.


For example, last week I invited a group of coworkers over for drinks and apps. The email invite went something like this:

Hi guys,
It's been a while since we all got together, so I am taking the opportunity to invite you over to my apartment Saturday evening. I am going to make an appetizer of some sort and open a bottle of wine. You are welcome to bring your favourite appetizer and/or beverage if you'd like.

Looking forward to seeing you!


Voila. People came. Some brought food, others brought wine. I opened said bottle of wine and made a large platter of hummus with veggies and gluten-free crackers. We had a great time, and the effort it took to put together the evening was minimal. So minimal, that I would be willing to do it again as early as next week.